We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
