Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
