The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I smell stomach acid.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
