So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
