we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
