My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize