You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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