listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
