I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Two words: blizzard sex
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize