Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Randomize
