Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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