He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm at about main and main street
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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