My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
