last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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