I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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