Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
it's like iHOP with fire
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize