First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You need a sexual gate keeper
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
