if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
