You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
as a side note pls kill me
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
is it fun? or sober?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
