The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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