I puked a lego.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
