your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
