i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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