Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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