Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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