Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I need a burrito and a hug.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
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