I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm jealous of your bromance
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
