Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
bring money and cleavage
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
