I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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