So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
where are my eyebrows?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize