Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
