You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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