I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
