your parents love me but you hate me
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
