its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
