no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
