I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
