he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
