Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
