the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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