Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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