i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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