can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
