Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Say something about gay babies.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
