Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
