I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize