Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize