I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
