My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
