im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
