you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize