i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
