one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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