and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Im part way to drunk.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
