so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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