oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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