she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
i need some magic done to my vagina
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
