Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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