apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
