My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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