Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
