I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
