Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
