you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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