I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize