My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
