Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
