I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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