I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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