opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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