So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
