I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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