Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
