do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize