Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
