1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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