he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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