Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
