I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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