nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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