a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
