My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
