I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
